Making life fun again!

I just finished “Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas", by James Patterson. What an amazingly powerful love story and life altering story. In the story they make reference to having 5 balls in life, work- rubber ball, family, love, friends and health are all glass balls. Glass balls make it harder to juggle because we have to tread carefully as to not chip, break or shatter these balls. 

The rubber ball will always bounce. You can always work harder in a job, get a new one, or just keep bouncing in the same job as life goes, on. As I was thinking about these balls  I believe that this book hit the nail on the head. Life does consist of these 5 balls… we have to remember which ones are more gentle and which we can play with. 

Sometimes I put way to much thought into something that really shouldn't even be thought about to begin with. I have always worried about what people think of me- in regards to my weight, but also in regards to how they think of me as a person.

Tuesday I go back to the nutritionist, hopefully I have lost more weight. I keep meaning to put up a picture from before I started losing weight and one now. I am down 26 pounds  (crossing my fingers for more the next appointment! :) 

I always worry about making people I care about mad,sad or worse disappointed. I say sorry way to much for my liking...and most of the time for other peoples liking as well. 

I do things for others because I like making people happy- I like knowing that I did something that put a smile on their face. That it made them feel special even just for a moment in time.  I have never been one to go out of my way making someone happy to get something in return. That's not who I am at all. 

This book made me think about that fact that life is a glass ball-- if we miss catching it, its going to shatter. Life should be treated with gentle hands- but it should also be fun. There is no point in living your life for someone else. You have to live it for yourself and your children. 

I'm sick of waiting around for something to happen. I've lost alot of friends since I deleted my facebook account, I guess in reality they weren't that close to begin with if they aren't around now. I'm tired of chasing people to hangout with, I'm sick of worrying why people choose to disregard things I say. So with that in mind..... I gotta start making my life fun again! 

New Experiences

As I continue to grow and watch Clark grow, I have been looking at new experiences in a way in which I never did before.

As Clark gets ready for another day of multiple transitions at the home daycare, I too am ready for multiple transitions that will occur. Although transitions have never been a favor of mine, as I'm sure many people can relate too, it is of course much easier as an adult to transition.Clark has a  rough go with learning to adapt into a new environment, but he is doing really well and trying to hold his own.

I choose a home daycare setting for Clark, because I felt that this type of environment would be very familiar , as he stays with his great grandparents and grandparents two days a week. I am not fond of big box daycares, as they leave little to the imagination. At Clark's daycare there is only 8 kids per day and they have alot of outside time. The teacher has been doing this for 25 years and she seems like a pro!

I know Clark will find his way! He will continue to  learn coping, transition,and social  strategies  that will help him in other social settings.

On the same topic, I have never been fond of being in a new place or with new people.I have always been shy, which often is taken that I am a snob or a bitch... neither I may add are who I am.

 However I met up with a friend a few days ago who introduced me to a few people. They were a really nice couple with a cute little baby boy! He had the most beautiful eyes and really funny laugh! Being able to be myself and engage with t new people in this context was really good for me. The girlfriend was engaging and very talkative, which was good!  We chit chatted about kids,working while taking care of the boys, going back to school and some interests that we both had. It was a really nice night and hopefully we can all do it again! 

So here is to new transitions and learning to go out on a limb.....

"To start something we all know and love , and then turn it over, examine it from different perspectives, and make it new and exciting again".

Until next time,

There is only love <3

Remembering The Happiness Project and its relevance in my life

This was a passage from one of my posts back in the summer. Today I really felt as though I needed a pick me up. So I decided that it was in my best interest to re-read the most important quotes I got out of Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project . This book made such an impact on me and helped we through alot this summer. 


One of the most important things I have learned is that " when people's minds are unoccupied, they tend to drift to anxious or angry thoughts. And rumination - dwelling on slights, unpleasant encounters, and sad events - lead to bad feelings. "  This hit the nail on the head when thinking about the events of the past few months. I have created a new mind set, when I begin to feel sad about things. I think about my "area of refuge"- this is not a place per say, but a state of mind. Basically, when I start to ruminate (which I must say isn't that often, due to my happiness level being raised in so many different ways) , I think about positive things for example, Clark's face - giving good morning kisses to my chunk, Ithaca is Gorges- farmers markets, Cayuga lake, flowers on the door at 214 Utica, "10 square miles surrounded by reality", aroma of fresh tomato sauce, and feelings I get when shopping at the farmers market with my chunk.




The updated version for today, would be when I am ruminating I try my best to leave the area immediately. Not only does my worrying affect me but it affects the people around me. My biggest fear is to lose people that are very important to me because of something stupid. 
So I  seek an area of refuge that helps me to be the best person I can be for not only myself but for my chunk.  I know I am a great person, compassionate, loving, and giving. 


With my birthday approaching, I have feelings of sadness and happiness. Sadness because my mother always made birthdays so special- you would wake up to a card that said just the right thing. Then you would have the breakfast of your choice and sometimes, if you were lucky you could take the day off of school. The day was for you to do what YOU wanted... I know that we are all getting older, and birthdays don't mean as much as they once did. 
But it is nice to know that maybe the day can be special in some way.. So I will make it special for myself. Because in the end you only have yourself to make happy! 


Until the next time,
There is only love <3 

Update since the last posting

I realized today that I haven't updated my blog since New Years Eve! This is totally unacceptable :p

Since my last update, I have put Clark into a home daycare. He of course transitioned well in terms of saying bye to me... but he had a bit of a hard time sharing, bopping kids on the head as well as transitioning from one activity to another was a challenge.
Even though I am a teacher and have had this conversation hundreds of times with parents, its hard when you are on the other side of the coin. I have come to realize that of course this is normal behavior and exactly the reason why I chose to send Clark to a small group environment to learn how to socialize and use appropriate behaviors.
He went two days last week, and was sick this week. So he will be back next week and hopefully will transition well once again!

On my personal end , I decided to get a tattoo... LOTS of people were completely surprised that I decided to get one!!! However it was a personal choice and although it has taken some getting use to, I completely love it. The tattoo consists of three stars being "strung" together with some swirly lines. Of course it looks much better than I am describing it, lol. The process was not as painful as I thought it would be.

Typically I am a plain jane, not wanting to stand out from the crowd. Getting a tattoo makes me feel like I might just stand out in a different kind of way.

I am still learning /working on what makes me happy and how to make myself happy. The list of what makes me happy is growing and that's an awfully nice feeling.
I have been reading alot once again. Recently I read "Sundays at Tiffanys" by James Patterson, this is not your typical James Patterson book about mystery and crime. This book was about finding out that your childhood imaginary friend is your one true love. This book was great, I thoroughly enjoyed the twists and turns.
It made me think...as a child who always had an imaginary family (Big John Stud, Mary, Little John Stud and Peppermint Patty) ...could my imaginary family, truly be out there? Its a long shot, but who knows.... weirder things have happened!
Maybe I have to find my Big John Stud.....and figure out where to go from there.
So that could be on my bucket list.... check off get a tattoo, and replace it with find big John Stud.

Until next time,
There is only love <3

Ringing in the New Year

When I was younger, my parents would have huge parties at our house for New Year's eve. Food was always outdone, chatting, laughing and watching the ball drop was so much fun! Our parent's friends would be there and most of them had kids our age. While our parents were socializing, Ian and I would be with our friends playing games and munching on all kids of food.
A few minutes before midnight my mother would gather everyone outside, all armed with pots, pans and all kinds of cooking utensils. When we were given the word  (at the strike of midnight) we would bang the crap out of those pans. The neighbors would all be shouting and clapping and knew exactly where the noise was coming from.
We would have so much fun and lots of laughs! After a few minutes we would all go back in the house.

I think its because I am getting older, but I miss those moments.I miss having crowds over, food over flowing, laughs and great memories. I guess its all a part of growing up...  but my resolution is to have more of those moments.

So here is to everyone out there feeling the same way....  Happy New Year's!
Until next time,
There is only love <3

Process of evolving ..What a year!

New year....new hair! 

Over the past year there have been hurdles, triumphs, loss, rekindled friendships, sicknesses, health and of course love. Just when you think you have life figured out curve balls come your way. But it is up to you to decide if those curve balls are going to take you out or if you will keep on dodging them . I choose to dodge them this year! I think I am ending this year on a particularly good note, in my humble opinion :)

Clark has made significant strides in all aspects of life thus far. He is walking, learning to communicate - although I wish " ba---ba--- ba" wasn't used to describe everything he wants, :) He is into creating new things, watching how machines move. He has absolutely loved the decorations that are out for the holidays! I do believe I will be that person that decorates for all " holidays"..... They do make egg lights, right?!?! :)

He is such a fun loving  boy! He can melt your heart and make your blood boil all in one whack, but I wouldn't want it any other way. He has taught me how to love unconditionally, how to forgive and forget and also how to communicate in a positive way. He has showed me how to slow down, enjoy life on my terms, have fun, and sometimes just laugh and smile. He has given me so much drive and ambition. It's funny how a 17 month old can show an adult the way to live. Clark and I have found our groove! We can sing songs, roll around on the bed, play with trucks and cars, or rock the babies to sleep. He is the most important and best thing in my life.

FAMILY

This time last year, my father was very ill. He has since had open heart surgery. Which was a success but he  has had some set backs recently  in his recovery. He is taking it day by day. I am hoping that the year treats him right and we can move on from his illness. I really would love to see my dad back to were he was - he has lost a bit of his spunk, ambition and youthfulness. 

This year, I have started back to work. Going from only watching Clark to a "part time" job, ( I haven't seen the low side of 20 hours since the second week into the job!) Has been tough work. I sometimes feel that I am not spending enough time with Clark. But deep down I know that the separation is good for the both of us. That this makes the time we do spend together that much greater.  I am looking into several schools for Clark for the upcoming year. I love that he gets to spend so much time with Na- Na and Grampie Jim, but I know that it would be great for him to be around other children a few days a week. This is a major decision that I have made.... we shall see how it turns out! I am excited about the process and how Clark will evolve even more and make some buddies! Also, I really am looking forward to his first " project" at school!!!

Working has been really good for my whole self . I feel appreciated , respected and I have fun ( most days!) 

I have decided to go back to school and take a few classes so that I can become director certified for the state. I know my passion is being in the classroom - but for now I am really happy working outside of the classroom in a more office type environment. I never would have guessed that I would enjoy that type of work. But I guess the saying is true.... people can change. 

I am looking forward to 2012 being a great year. A year filled with friendships, love, a good health. 

Until next time,

There is only love <3 

The Nutcracker

On Wednesday night I had the pleasure of going to see the Nutcracker performed by the Boston Ballet with a great friend. The night was amazing and the show was spectacular! There is something to be said for a night out with a friend who truly in every sense of the word "gets you".  Sharing and evening of laughter, conversation and a fantastic show was just what I needed this holiday season.

Last time I saw the Nutcracker I was probably in highschool, my mother made it a point to take me to the Nutcracker every year since I can remember. Getting all dressed up to go to the theatre was such a thrill. It is memories like that, that I hold dear to my heart.

Around this time of year I miss my mother alot more than other days. She loved the Christmas holiday and would be caught decorating the house right after cleaning up the turkey from Thanksgiving! The decorations would be up until January 6th (Little Christmas! and my dad's birthday). Christmas songs would be playing and the oven, I don't believe was ever off... she would make cookies, candies, and treats galore! 
 I still use several recipes that were my mothers for my own holiday treats. The smell of ainse cookies baking in the oven makes me daydream of the closeness my mother and I shared, especially our love for the holidays.
I know that if my mother was around she would have loved to see Clark's face when he looks at lights and decorations.
 I also know that if she were alive she would have been sitting in the Boston Opera House chatting away with my friend, because they would have gotten along famously. 

I have often asked myself, where have certain people been all my life.... usually their response is
" hiding"... well this holiday season, I am saying " I am glad I found you... even if it took sometime and some detours". 
Until next time,
There is only love <3