Give up something.... and not when asked:)

Written Sunday August 28, 2011

“ Give up something”

Went Lent comes rolling around many of us decide it is time to give up something. Whether it is coffee, eating in between meals, or going out to eat these are simple sacrifices. But why is it we only give something up when we are asked to? Why can’t we randomly choose to do it?

For the past month, I have given up facebook. I find facebook to be a great mode of communication  that helps you stay in contact with people, family and friends that you haven’t seen in a while, old coworkers, and school mates, but sometimes it is just downright hurtful.  

I see no need for such a negative website to control my mind and occupy my thoughts. I thought it would have been harder to stay away from facebook, and don’t get me wrong I did reactivate only to deactivate about three minutes later. In those three minutes I saw bullying, cowardness, gossiping, and venting to the extreme. These are qualities that I feel really bring down my happiness level. For me giving up facebook was cold turkey there was no weaning, no ill sign in on the even days, it was done.  The moment I hit deactivate I knew my life would be better.  As of this minute I have no desire to reactivate and no desire to indulge occasionally.  Almost immediately, as I was signing off for the last time I realized slowly what a drain facebook had been on my happiness.

 On the same idea, I decided to de-clutter (give up something) my life this weekend. With Hurricane Irene on her way, I took most the afternoon on Sunday to get rid of many, many, many articles of clothing that I don’t wear. I had a mantra going into that closet.. “if I hadn’t worn it in a year, I ain’t never going to wear it”.  Each article of clothing I pulled out I literally asked myself If I had worn it, if not it went into the Homeless Shelter pile. After three hours, three huge bags later for the women’s shelter and one bag of trash , I must say my closet looks great. I have several great pairs of dress pants to wear to my new job, beautiful shirts and some amazing dresses. I only kept things that I would actually wear.  I look at the closet now and I feel as though I have many more options of things to wear. Its funny how when you see all the clothes you have in a closet, bureau or containers you think you have so much to wear but for most people it’s overwhelming. Cutting out a few pieces of clothing really does help.  After my de-cluttering afternoon, I no longer have guilt over owning so many things and yet never wearing most of them.

1 clean and organized closet!

3 bags to the homeless shelter!

1 bag of trash!

Things are looking up, and are bright and sunny .. no matter what Irene had to say about that today! I am excited and full of energy to start my new job tomorrow!

Until next time,

There is only love <3 

The days are long, but the years are short!

"The days are long, but the years are short." Think about this quote for a minute. Really think about it.
I found this quote in the book, The Happiness Project and it immediately jumped out at me. My days are extremely long with Clark. He has alot of energy, some characterize him as a "spirited child". At first I wasn't sure how to take that statement. But I purchased another book Raising your spirited child and it spelled out exactly how I had been feeling about my chunk.
Clark is full of energy ,intense, persistent, and perceptive. As his mama I have to realize that what we do daily or even minute by minute really affects his overall being. I have learned that big stores such as Stop and Shop are not good places for Clark. There is a huge infusion of sensory imput that he has to try to block out. When we go to Trader Joes he is able to enjoy the process of shopping, however we can not go into the one in Cambridge- because there are too many people. We shop at the one in Hanover and he is wonderful in the store.
After talking to a great friend, who is amazing... a teacher, professor, friend, mother, author, and overall wonderful gal - I felt so good about what I have been doing with Clark. We go for long walks, we head to the park, we run and run and run his little buns off. Like she said, you know your child best and know exactly what he needs.

I have been incorporating a daily schedule with Clark- we have breakfast about 9am. Food is very important with a child that has alot of energy. Clark tends to burn off alot of what he eats, so we have three healthy full meals a day as well as a snack. For example this morning, he had banana yogurt and toast with cream cheese. Water is a big part of the day- sometimes Clark has three baths a day- water tends to soothe him and get him out of any funk he might be in. Next we have time for "structured" movement-- he can bounce on his rody bouncer, we sing "Trot, trot to boston, trot, trot to lynn watch out little Clark you don't fall in" -- then he falls through my lap. We do this several times. At this point Clark now flips over and lands on his feet (with help).
Clark goes out for a daily run and when he comes back- we go to the playground for more free movement. Swinging, climbing and sliding are things that he enjoys. When he arrives back home we have lunch- most days its something quick and always includes fruit. Then Clark will have milk and head in for a nice siesta. Keeping his room cool helps him wind down and sleep. Usually his naps are about 2.5 hours.

Once he wakes up - we head outside on the porch or go for a long walk. Clark loves to see people and watch the world go by. He has been loving feeding the ducks with Na-Na. Cruising the Charles River and watching the boats is a really great way for Clark to be contained( in the carriage) but focus on something in his environment.  We have dinner which is a bigger meal and then Clark gets to play in the tub. After the tub, Clark needs time to wind down - so he plays with his toys and interacts with everyone before bed.
"By recognizing your child's innate need to move and planning for it, you help him direct his energy in a positive way"-- Mary Sheedy Kurcinka . Yes! Yes! Yes!
The schedule I came up with tends to be working for Clark!

In the beginning I was so worried about what people thought about my son and all of his energy,  but even more so I worried about what people thought of me as his mother. We all know that people look down upon people who have children that scream in the stores etc. I know I have... but now I have a different outlook.
From the book, The Happiness Project "One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy". Clark is my first priority -as long as he is happy, then I will continue to adapt my life to make his better. Whether it is something simple like heading to a different store, or prolonging emptying the dishwasher until after bed, Clark comes first.If Clark is happy then I am happy as well!

Together we are making one another happy!
Until next time,
There is only love <3

Go off the path!

While continuing to read  The Happiness Project,  I came across the section, Go off the path.  This didn't mean to go off the path and rid yourself of all technology , but it meant " to push oneself to encounter the unexpected thoughts, unfamiliar scenes, new people, and unconventional juxtaposition that are the key sources of creative energy-and happiness."
Yesterday, I went off the path! I accepted a job that is completely out of my comfort zone. I will be working as a Administrative Assistant . As everyone is aware I have been a teacher for 10 plus years, but this year is different. This year, I have my chunk at home and I would not want to be away from him for 40 plus hours a week. I know many people use daycare but I am not comfortable leaving Clark with people that I don't know, especially when he is so young.
So back to this awesome position,  it is only part time and I can make my own hours! SCORE!  Clark can stay with his Na-Na and Grandpa, so I can feel 100% comfortable leaving him for a few hours a day -DOUBLE SCORE!
The school is completely laid back and has really great positive energy. I met with several teachers and thoroughly enjoyed meeting them all. I truly love when a place has a very natural  feel and the energy that surrounds said place is full of positiveness, laughter, and fun. It reminded me of UCNS in Ithaca, organic , free following, free spirited, and most of all ,all encompassing creativity was taking place.

Next on the to do list, is to go off the path and purchase three magazines I wouldn't normally buy.Sounds crazy, but looking at all the magazines in the book store the other night I realized that I am comfortable with some magazines and some just scare me! Haha. So I will be purchasing a few new ones ( tricky tricky! ).

On my mission for my own happiness project I am one step closer and loving every minute. Each day brings on a new adventure. Its nice waking up with a smile on your face and going to bed with one. Ridding yourself of negative people ,negative attitudes and overall negativeness surely does impact the way you think, act and feel.  And boy am I feeling great!

Until next time,
There is only love <3

One week into the Happiness Project

Over the past week I have been reading this fabulous book called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. It has been a great read so far. 

One of the chapters talks about starting a blog, well I already had one that I felt I had neglected over the past few months.

I thought what better way to begin my own Happiness Project than to freshen up Go mama go! 
A week into the project, I am figuring out how ,exactly, to make myself happy. In this book she has her own 12 commandments. I kept going back to each one rereading and rereading some more. I starting thinking, did this woman seriously write this book just for me. Was I the only one in the universe that had a copy? It had to be. 

Each of the commandments spoke to me. 

1. Be Gretchen ( insert my name)

2. Let it go.--DING DIN DING

3. Act the way I want to feel. 

4. Do it now. -

5. Be polite and fair

6. Enjoy the process

7. Spend out

8. Identify the problem - DING DING DING

9. Lighten up ---DING DING DING! 

10. Do what ought to be done.

11. No calculation

12. There is only love. 

For several weeks I have been seeing as nutritionist as well. Pairing mind, body and soul has had an amazing effect on me. Not only am I seeing the pounds shed off ( -7 in two weeks! go me!), but my spirit has done a 180. Before I would have been trying on those pre-preggers jeans to see if they fit or would have been estimating how many more pounds before they could fit. But the new Rachel, is only thinking about how my energy is happier, how I am doing this not only for me, but for Clark as well. I don't want to look back and remember his toddler years with me unhappy, sitting on a park bench watching him play. I want to experience everything all over again.

Reading the 12 commandments each day makes me remember what is important. I am going to enjoy the process of everything. Whether it is the process of making fresh salsa ( recipe will follow) , the process of watching  Clark walk in his new sneakers, or the process of my father making great strides in his recovery from open heart surgery.  Taking the time to enjoy those little moments will be more of a reward than anything else. " What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while".

When you have so much love in your heart it hurts. <3

Until the next entry...

There is only love <3

Chicken burgers with peaches and blueberries!

After a great visit to the farmers market where I purchased yummy peaches and sweet blueberries I decided to try a new recipe for chicken burgers topped with warm peaches and blueberries.
To start I used ground chicken added salt, pepper, chili powder and 1 chopped peach. I mixed all the ingredients and made my own chicken burger and placed it on the grill.It only took about 8 minutes or so for the chicken to cook.

ground chicken with peaches

While the burgers were cooking I took the additional peach and diced it and washed a cup of blueberries. I placed both in a small frying pan and let it simmer together until there was juice in the pan.

diced peaches with blueberries 

Once the chicken burgers were done I topped them with the peach and blueberry topping.

Chicken burger topped with warm peaches and blueberries. Pineapple on the side!

Clark and I enjoyed our yummy dinner purchased from local farms! We love the summer and our weekly visits to the farmers market!

Beware....he is climbing

It's been a few weeks since my last update. Clark had his one year checkup today. My oh my do I have a chunk on my hands. Clark is 28.76 pounds and is 33 inches tall. He is getting so big and each day is a new adventure.

Chunk baby with lovey!

Yesterday, Clark got to stay with his Na-Na ( Gram for those of you that know my grandmother) while I went to work. Before I went to work  we got to go to the playground to burn off some energy! Clark loved swinging on the swings- he is finally showing some excitement when swinging! Yay!!! He loves when I push him high and say deee--deee deee and let him go. He was laughing and enjoying himself! 
After the swings he crawled over to the slide. He slid down and then... get this, he turned himself around and CLIMED UP THE SLIDE! Of course Na- Na was keeping a hand near him, but he did it all by himself.. in flip flops nonetheless! It was the best moment. He just did it like a pro. I could not stop smiling. I think the corners of my mouth were touching my ears! To many people this might not be a big deal but to see my child doing alot of gross motor activities settles my already nervous nerves! 

Starting up the slide

Almost to the top

He made it to the TOP!

Not only has Clark made huge strides in his ability to climb at the playground, but he is making strides in "communicating" with people outside as well. Using his new found climbing ability Clark found that if he climbs on a box near the radiator covers that he can stand up and yell at the sanitation engineers (trash picker-upers).  He loves seeing the trash and or recycling truck. A few weeks ago they were waving at him and talking to him about the trash. He was laughing at them and could not take his eyes off of the truck.

Hey... where are the sanitation engineers?!?!?

It's funny, I have been thinking alot about gender neutral toys, clothes and things of that nature. When I found out I was having a boy, I had no preconcieved notions about only wearing certain colors or only playing with "boy toys". I never thought for a minute that having a baby doll or wearing a pink shirt or things like that would prohibit my son from being a " boys boy". Clark came out a rough and tumble; big energy kinda guy. He plays hard and crashes even harder. I never enforced Clark to play with certain things, in fact he just got his first dump truck for his birthday a few weeks ago. 

Clark playing with his new dump truck! Happy Birthday!

But nature vs nurture comes into play and I realize that it is his nature to be a boys boy. It would be wrong of me to enforce Clark to play with things that I deem important. Baby dolls, balls, his lovey, trucks and kitchen set are things that Clark enjoys and plays with on a daily basis. I feel that having toys that show and promote a wide varation of play will help Clark as well as other children be able to problem solve better as they grow up. For instance, having a baby doll now as part of his everyday toys helps Clark to learn "sensitive" techniques. Of course, because of his age at the moment, Clark has been enjoying "throwing"  the doll, but through my language and exampling how to pick up the baby and gently caresss the baby and say " are you ok baby?" or " Clark, the baby doesn't like to be hit or thrown" , Clark will learn through positive interactions that throwing the baby is not the right thing to do. Not only is he hearing and seeing the correct behavior, but over time he will learn and be able to use the same language to demonstrate social and emotional development.

Time for sleep!

Raising children is hard, and there are so many parenting styles out there, you definately have to find the right style for you. I realize that my style is the style that helps my child be the best he can be. When Clark needs to nap he naps, 
when he needs a snack he snacks, when he needs to bounce his little heart out we bounce... and when he needs a hug or kiss we cuddle. After a while you fall into the groove and you realize that everything you have read about parenting might not be the right thing for your child...and who best to know what is best for your child than you and him! 
In closing, I have realized over the last few months that I am the best mother I can be and Clark and I are on a wild ride! More adventures to follow!!!

A glimpse back on the last year ...

Due to life circumstances I have neglected this blog over the past few months. I took some time off to enjoy the weather, to stop and smell the flowers, and to truly live.

My days are long and are spent with my chunk. Splashing in the water, getting muddy hands, and cuddling while reading his favorite stories are some of the things we have enjoyed over the last month or so.  Clark is getting bigger each day and has decided that he is ready to move! His ability to stand on his own has greatly developed and he is learning that those two chunky legs are meant for moving. Seeing him stand at the water table at the park for an extended period of time today was such a great feeling. He is really coming into his own.
Its hard to believe that this time last year I was dying to meet Clark. I wanted to know what his face would look like, what type of personality he would have, and what kind of mother I would be.

Clark is a great boy. People tell me all the time that Clark was never really a baby. Due to his birth weight, I always just treated him more like a boy. Putting baby clothes on him, things with feet or things that looked like a duck or frog, never looked quiet right on him. If I did put those gifts on him, he would glare at me as to say " what the hell are you making me wear". I would laugh and thought about the scene from " A Christmas Story" when Ralphie comes down those dank stairs wearing the bunny outfit his grandmother purchased for him knowing that he would just love it. 

That was my " Christmas Story" moment, a moment when I could completely see my mother looking down on me saying... "Ah Rachel, Clarky doesn't want to wear that duck outfit, he looks like a nut".

 In that split second I realized that no matter how far away she is, my mother is with me and is helping and guiding me to make me the best mother I can be. 

I have found this past year so rewarding but also difficult. It's difficult in the fact that each day can bring on a new struggle. Whether it is , finding out Clark had an allergy, difficulty with bowel movements, or waking up several times a night, you realize that something innately develops that makes you get up and go, makes you strive to help your child in any way possible. Don't get me wrong, there are times I loose my patience and have to yell, but I am trying to step away from the situation and see what can be done before I completely lose my mind. Clark can be demanding, but I have so much love for that chunk.. sometimes it hurts.

There have been so many things that I never even realized before having a child.  My thoughts when pregnant were that I must use cloth diapers because the landfills could do without my trillion diapers and that of course I would breastfeed. Both were a complete dud to me. It took me a long time to realize that not being able to produce milk wasn't my fault. But something that had to due with nature. You have a vision of what your child will do, who your child will be, what kind of mother you will be and when that little bundle of joy comes out you realize everything you planned for was thrown out the window :)

 "Motherhood is about raising and celebrating the child you have, not the child you thought you would have. It's about understanding that he is exactly the person he is supposed to be. And that, if you're lucky, he just might be the teacher that turns you into the person you are supposed to be."

This is a quote that I am trying to live by. Clark has taught me how to truly live, how to love and how to make myself happy.

In this past year people have come in and out of our lives but the ones that have stuck around I thank you from the bottom of my heart, you have helped shape my world. There are certain people that have been a major asset since the day Clark was born, without you I wouldn't be where I am on this hot July day. <3