Chunk has thrown me for a loop!

I've been a little preoccupied since my last post. Clark has once again thrown me for a loop in this whole motherhood lifestyle. About four weeks ago, Clark had a major allergic reaction to SOMETHING.... we couldn't quite figure out to what , since he was with my family for most of the day and nothing seemed too out of the ordinary in terms of diet, outside time, or cleaning products. So, like most mothers I gave him some benedryl and he slept it off.  However, the next day he had this awful rash.... off to th drs, they decided that it was poison ivy. This I thought was outrageous, because for one he was at a park in the middle of a city--- poison ivy usually doesn't creep into the city I thought. But who am I?!?!? Not a horticulturalist by any stretch of the imagination and I tend to believe doctors as they have their degree in medicine. 

A week later, Clark decided to once again, show his crazy side and ate some eucalyptus.... thus creating a whirlwind 24hours  of throwing up and gasping for air.... off to Childrens Hospital we went. They decided that Clark had a major reaction to the eucalyptus and need to have blood work done to figure out what he is allergic to!

A few days later we got some blood work done--- now as many of you are aware, I HATE having my blood taken. I especially don't like to see my son in any pain. But I held him down and out came the blood. A few days later, it was determined that my lovely son is basically allergic to life itself. Wheat, gluten,soy milk, dairy, sesame, eggs, and peanuts-- but how could this be? My son loves milk--- I actually thought about purchasing a cow for the back yard as he can guzzle a whole gallon by himself. He has lived on most of these products for at least 10 months... 

My first thought was, ok I will have to quit my job, because figuring out what the heck he could at would be a full time job--- second thought was -- no, you can't quit WHOLE FOODS will become a second home as they carry alot of products with none of the allergens that he can't have-- so you will need lots and lots of money to be able to provide for him!! Third thought was-- have I all this time been slowly killing my child by feeding him these foods...... 

Boy just when I thought Clark and I have found our groove ( not in a How Stella got her Groove back kinda way, lol) we are now on a new path. 

Like most mothers you want your child to be healthy, typical and be able to do everything that other children do. Allergies are so common now, but you still have to take a deep breath and allow your child to go back to school, to trust that people who are caring for your child  know how to use a epi-pen, that they will not intentionally put your child in danger. But it is a huge step...especially for me. 

In the recent week Clark has been on a very restricted diet--as have I . I have decided that for the most part I will eat what Clark eats, I know that they world will not adapt to him, as I can. But the more he sees what he is eating is " normal" the easier it will be in the long run I believe.  

I have never been more scared or more ready to take on the world as I am with this new diagnoses. We are scheduled to see another allergist next week. 

 Also Clark will have surgery in the upcoming weeks to reduce the amount of fluid in his ears(inserting tubes) as well as look at this tonsils , adenoids and esophagus.

I am hoping with all these tests, new specialist and procedures that Clark will for once feel really good and be able to enjoy this beautiful weather!!

   

Earth Day

Today was Earth Day! How exciting it was to celebrate a little early with Clark. We decided to start our own vegetable garden. Currently we have seeds in process---Herbs:  Basil, Oregano, Cilatro, and Chives. Vegetables: seedless tomatoes, cucumbers, Kaleidscope Carrots ( all different colors!), Meuslin lettuce mix, and beets.
Once our seeds grow, we will transplant them into a garden bed. I haven't decided if I will purchase a garden bed or make one. We shall see!
We also have a composter that we will be using! The composter has been sitting in our backyard ( believe it was the old tentants) just waiting for someone to take it over. Well Clark and I are those people, we will take on this challenge :)
We are both very excited to grow our own food and start a new adventure together. It is so sweet to see him water the plants ( although he has a heavy hand.... can't let him drown them!) I think I might get a spray bottle and really let him work on his fine motor skills by using the trigger.
I think its so important for children to get OUTSIDE! I have been really reading about the importance of this through " Last Child in the Woods". I want Clark to be outside,  learning and growing by having experiences with nature.  My hope for Clark is that he doesn't grow up afraid to be outside looking at bugs, digging for worms or getting dirty!


I am also reading The Kind Life by Alicia Silverstone. I have been very interested in a raw diet.( So happy that the local farmers markets will be opening soon!) Also, Clark and I have a date to go to Sweet Georgia P's in Scituate to feed the goats and chickens. I am trying to figure out if we want to join a CSA this summer. So we shall see what happens!


Although I am no where ready to go vegan solely I am learning more about the lifestyle. I think detoxing your body is a good thing and I will be doing this soon.   I have heard many good things about Kaeng Raeng and I am hoping to use this as my jumping off point.  


The Kind Diet, offers a glimpse into the raw diet world, Alicia gives many yummy sounding recipes that are great for kids and adults. I am hoping this " diet" helps me to lose more weight ( currently at a stand still at 29.2! ) and also makes me feel better spiritually and mentally! 


So here is to a new lifestyle! 
Until next time.
There is only love <3 

How to really love a child

Making life fun again!

I just finished “Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas", by James Patterson. What an amazingly powerful love story and life altering story. In the story they make reference to having 5 balls in life, work- rubber ball, family, love, friends and health are all glass balls. Glass balls make it harder to juggle because we have to tread carefully as to not chip, break or shatter these balls. 

The rubber ball will always bounce. You can always work harder in a job, get a new one, or just keep bouncing in the same job as life goes, on. As I was thinking about these balls  I believe that this book hit the nail on the head. Life does consist of these 5 balls… we have to remember which ones are more gentle and which we can play with. 

Sometimes I put way to much thought into something that really shouldn't even be thought about to begin with. I have always worried about what people think of me- in regards to my weight, but also in regards to how they think of me as a person.

Tuesday I go back to the nutritionist, hopefully I have lost more weight. I keep meaning to put up a picture from before I started losing weight and one now. I am down 26 pounds  (crossing my fingers for more the next appointment! :) 

I always worry about making people I care about mad,sad or worse disappointed. I say sorry way to much for my liking...and most of the time for other peoples liking as well. 

I do things for others because I like making people happy- I like knowing that I did something that put a smile on their face. That it made them feel special even just for a moment in time.  I have never been one to go out of my way making someone happy to get something in return. That's not who I am at all. 

This book made me think about that fact that life is a glass ball-- if we miss catching it, its going to shatter. Life should be treated with gentle hands- but it should also be fun. There is no point in living your life for someone else. You have to live it for yourself and your children. 

I'm sick of waiting around for something to happen. I've lost alot of friends since I deleted my facebook account, I guess in reality they weren't that close to begin with if they aren't around now. I'm tired of chasing people to hangout with, I'm sick of worrying why people choose to disregard things I say. So with that in mind..... I gotta start making my life fun again! 

New Experiences

As I continue to grow and watch Clark grow, I have been looking at new experiences in a way in which I never did before.

As Clark gets ready for another day of multiple transitions at the home daycare, I too am ready for multiple transitions that will occur. Although transitions have never been a favor of mine, as I'm sure many people can relate too, it is of course much easier as an adult to transition.Clark has a  rough go with learning to adapt into a new environment, but he is doing really well and trying to hold his own.

I choose a home daycare setting for Clark, because I felt that this type of environment would be very familiar , as he stays with his great grandparents and grandparents two days a week. I am not fond of big box daycares, as they leave little to the imagination. At Clark's daycare there is only 8 kids per day and they have alot of outside time. The teacher has been doing this for 25 years and she seems like a pro!

I know Clark will find his way! He will continue to  learn coping, transition,and social  strategies  that will help him in other social settings.

On the same topic, I have never been fond of being in a new place or with new people.I have always been shy, which often is taken that I am a snob or a bitch... neither I may add are who I am.

 However I met up with a friend a few days ago who introduced me to a few people. They were a really nice couple with a cute little baby boy! He had the most beautiful eyes and really funny laugh! Being able to be myself and engage with t new people in this context was really good for me. The girlfriend was engaging and very talkative, which was good!  We chit chatted about kids,working while taking care of the boys, going back to school and some interests that we both had. It was a really nice night and hopefully we can all do it again! 

So here is to new transitions and learning to go out on a limb.....

"To start something we all know and love , and then turn it over, examine it from different perspectives, and make it new and exciting again".

Until next time,

There is only love <3

Remembering The Happiness Project and its relevance in my life

This was a passage from one of my posts back in the summer. Today I really felt as though I needed a pick me up. So I decided that it was in my best interest to re-read the most important quotes I got out of Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project . This book made such an impact on me and helped we through alot this summer. 


One of the most important things I have learned is that " when people's minds are unoccupied, they tend to drift to anxious or angry thoughts. And rumination - dwelling on slights, unpleasant encounters, and sad events - lead to bad feelings. "  This hit the nail on the head when thinking about the events of the past few months. I have created a new mind set, when I begin to feel sad about things. I think about my "area of refuge"- this is not a place per say, but a state of mind. Basically, when I start to ruminate (which I must say isn't that often, due to my happiness level being raised in so many different ways) , I think about positive things for example, Clark's face - giving good morning kisses to my chunk, Ithaca is Gorges- farmers markets, Cayuga lake, flowers on the door at 214 Utica, "10 square miles surrounded by reality", aroma of fresh tomato sauce, and feelings I get when shopping at the farmers market with my chunk.




The updated version for today, would be when I am ruminating I try my best to leave the area immediately. Not only does my worrying affect me but it affects the people around me. My biggest fear is to lose people that are very important to me because of something stupid. 
So I  seek an area of refuge that helps me to be the best person I can be for not only myself but for my chunk.  I know I am a great person, compassionate, loving, and giving. 


With my birthday approaching, I have feelings of sadness and happiness. Sadness because my mother always made birthdays so special- you would wake up to a card that said just the right thing. Then you would have the breakfast of your choice and sometimes, if you were lucky you could take the day off of school. The day was for you to do what YOU wanted... I know that we are all getting older, and birthdays don't mean as much as they once did. 
But it is nice to know that maybe the day can be special in some way.. So I will make it special for myself. Because in the end you only have yourself to make happy! 


Until the next time,
There is only love <3 

Update since the last posting

I realized today that I haven't updated my blog since New Years Eve! This is totally unacceptable :p

Since my last update, I have put Clark into a home daycare. He of course transitioned well in terms of saying bye to me... but he had a bit of a hard time sharing, bopping kids on the head as well as transitioning from one activity to another was a challenge.
Even though I am a teacher and have had this conversation hundreds of times with parents, its hard when you are on the other side of the coin. I have come to realize that of course this is normal behavior and exactly the reason why I chose to send Clark to a small group environment to learn how to socialize and use appropriate behaviors.
He went two days last week, and was sick this week. So he will be back next week and hopefully will transition well once again!

On my personal end , I decided to get a tattoo... LOTS of people were completely surprised that I decided to get one!!! However it was a personal choice and although it has taken some getting use to, I completely love it. The tattoo consists of three stars being "strung" together with some swirly lines. Of course it looks much better than I am describing it, lol. The process was not as painful as I thought it would be.

Typically I am a plain jane, not wanting to stand out from the crowd. Getting a tattoo makes me feel like I might just stand out in a different kind of way.

I am still learning /working on what makes me happy and how to make myself happy. The list of what makes me happy is growing and that's an awfully nice feeling.
I have been reading alot once again. Recently I read "Sundays at Tiffanys" by James Patterson, this is not your typical James Patterson book about mystery and crime. This book was about finding out that your childhood imaginary friend is your one true love. This book was great, I thoroughly enjoyed the twists and turns.
It made me think...as a child who always had an imaginary family (Big John Stud, Mary, Little John Stud and Peppermint Patty) ...could my imaginary family, truly be out there? Its a long shot, but who knows.... weirder things have happened!
Maybe I have to find my Big John Stud.....and figure out where to go from there.
So that could be on my bucket list.... check off get a tattoo, and replace it with find big John Stud.

Until next time,
There is only love <3